Update Year-Version

Wow, so it's been a year. I feel like I'm writing in a diary. Let's see what's changed? I'm now doing nothing all day instead of going to school and therefore feel dead and emotionless and bleh all the time. Without a basis of stuff to do during the day; the day really isn't anything at all. I don't recommend this. I feel like I'm failing at my life because I'm not taking advantage of the INCREDIBLE opportunities that surround me. I didn't take that film program that I was really psyched about because it was 'too far' DAMN I hate that. I feel like such a failure. Anyway, this optimistic blog post was not my intention in fact I wanted to speak about good things such as fundraising and groups I'm a part of, would like to be a part of, or will soon be a part of.

Oh, also I had a puppy for 10 days. It was a life-changing experience. In a way. After he left I returned to how I was before he came.. so I guess it doesn't count.

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I want to go to this program called Canada World Youth, but I want to do it for the wrong reasons. I want to get close to people, I want to be in a relationship, and I want to do something. I'm terrified of the whole other world that's out there that I can't see. I keep imagining me meeting someone in this program and being happy with them for the first time in my life, but what the hell? There isn't even any indication that something like that will happen so why do I think it will? Anyway, I need to fundraise at least $2800 to be a part of the organization IF I even get in, which is a weighted draw apparently. PLUS I don't know when I should go because of school and the fact that it's 6 months (Oh, I forgot to mention that part didn't I?)

How can one person fundraise $2800 in like a month? (Since you find out you are going around May and I might choose to leave in June..)

Actually.. a better statement would be:

How can someone like me fundraise almost $3000 in a month? Let alone a year! I can't do anything.

Wow, failure speech again, no one wants to read this and I guess no one will .. unless I can get this up and running, which who knows. How do people even find these things anyway?

Maybe I should speak less about myself and speak more about inspiration

Maybe this should be an inspiration blog

Not just for me, but for anyone who stumbles upon it with the use of 'StumbleUpon' or whatever other amazing tool there is out there.

Then again.. maybe it will just be for me.